Thursday, January 07, 2010

If You Wrongfully Detain a Suspected Terrorist

Dahlia Lithwick's latest Guantanamo piece reminds me of a series of childrens books by Laura Numeroff that the kids love, the "If You Give A [anthropomorphic animal] a [baked good]" series.

If you wrongfully detain a suspected terrorist,
He'll ask you for his lawyer.
You'll have to keep him at Guantanamo for awhile.
He'll probably be radicalized there.
He'll go on and on about his right to access a court.
You'll probably have to suspend habeas corpus.
His Yemeni background will be enough.
There will be an act of terrorism in this country eventually.
The public will be shocked
Then outraged.
They'll expect you to "do something".
You'll probably have to interfere with the judicial system some more.
And chances are,
If your Yemeni can in any way connected to the terrorist plot,
You'll have to send him back
To Guantanamo.

Now all I need is an illustrator!